How many times did I tell customers that back in my retail days? Multitudes of times a day. Does it make you feel any better?
Only if you close your eyes.
I went to Addition-Elle today. Its a division of Pennington's and Reitman's. I worked there for one month during that other time period in my life.....the one in which retail stole my soul. They specialize in clothes for sizes 14 to 24. Its been a long time since I've ventured through that door.
Still.....the number doesn't matter. If the clothes fit and look good and make you feel good in them.....then who cares what number is on the label? Its not like you're going to go around with a giant 20 in neon flashing on your forehead. Its very difficult when you have every size in your closet starting at a 12. Extremely difficult to admit this is where you need to shop. Again.
I also remember how hard it was to realize that I didn't need to shop in those stores anymore. It was an incredible realization that I had when I could walk into any store and fit clothes. It was a hard concept to come to terms with as well. My body image was out of “whack”.
This week I am in search of clothes for work. All I want are some things that fit. Things that don't give me muffin top and things I can breath in. Like I told the girl in the store today.....NOT Standing Up Pants. You know the kind.....the pants that look totally awesome until you sit down and they cut off all circulation. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure my students would appreciate me not passing out all the time.
I did not find pants today. I did come home with a sweater set and a casual shirt along with some matching jewelry. I tried on items in sizes ranging from 1X to 3X. And you know what? That number didn't really matter after all. I found things that fit and fit my lifestyle and I did feel good.
I have come to terms with where I am now. This is the body I am living in at this point in time. I cannot change the present.....only my future.
At work on Thursday I talked with coworkers about my thyroid condition. “Bob” says “You look the same to me.” And I laughed. “That's because I just saw you on Monday!” I replied. But really what it is.....is that I'm beginning to understand that my circle of friends love me whether there's a big ol' X on my shirt or not. They look beyond it and see me. And if they can do that.....then I can too.