Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Warning: Does Not React Well to Pressure

The pressure to keep the weight off has become insurmountable.  When you are overweight no one has any expectations of you.  No one cares what you eat or how you look because you are what you are.  But as soon as you lose weight.....and a huge amount of weight.....people start commenting for good or bad.  For a while, you ride the high of good and happy compliments until those dissolve.  Then people start to test your will power and nerve until you give in - then you backslide.  Suddenly the pressure you never felt before surrounds every thought and permeates your very being.  Every one looks when you eat, gives you the "up and down" glance and whittles away at your diminishing confidence until old habits come back to haunt you.

You want to keep the weight off.  You want to really show them.  But its gotten so hard.  Every decision is a struggle and you find yourself wishing no one knew or watched your transformation.  Back before no one had any expectations and you had none of yourself. 

~I had nothing to lose but the weight.~

Now you've become your own worst enemy and judge as you can only see yourself as others might see you.  You've lost your true self.  The self that loved and laughed and enjoyed life and didn't feel consumed by food.  The more you struggle to focus the farther away you stride.

How do you find it again?  How do you do it again?  How do you make certain you want it more than anything and work for it as hard if not harder than you did in the very beginning?

You just do.

You make the choice every morning, at every meal and when tempted with any and every morsel.  You make the choice to fight and fight and keep fighting and one day.....maybe one hopeful day you'll stab that food zombie in the heart leaving you free and full of possibility again.

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